Finally diagnoised...

It's not a good thing, but it's good to know what I actually have now and I'm able to say what I have. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, she asked me a couple questions about eating, my body, and other things. What it all came out to be was that I have an eating disorder, but she classifies it as a disordered eating, this is because I actually eat, but it's too little amount for my body. They also did some blood test on me to see if my body is functioning right. Turns out that I'm low on iron and protein, so I'm slight anemic, all because I decided to go vegetarian. The other reason she said I fell into this disordered eating was because I think it's the only thing I can control in my life, the other stuff around me - like the divorce of my parents, moving, and giving up my cat - I cannot control.. We went back to the doctor to see what she says on what to do about my eating disorder. I just started soccer on the 19th of March, and still haven't gained enough weight for my height average (right now I'm 101 and I need to be around 114-140 pounds) and my weight hasn't even moved since the last time I went to the doctor. The good thing is she said I can still play soccer, but, if I don't gain around 1-2 pounds next time I see her, she will have me stop playing soccer. I cannot let that happen, especially on my last high school career. A question she asked me was do I have trouble concentrating, and do I feel like I'm not very ... "good" at playing soccer this year, and I said yes. The reason is because I'm not giving my brain enough fuel to function properly. Yesterday (March 24th) we had a scrimmage, playing four games, and I could definitely tell that that was true, and it sucks to know that because my team relies on me.. I will be seeing a dietitian soon to see if that helps, I don't want to because we're struggling with money, but my mom doesn't care. She just wants me to get better..
        I really want to gain weight, I want to look healthy and be happy, but I'm scared at the same time. I afraid I'll loose my skinny body, and gain all this fat and have my muscle be hidden because of it.. But I know I need to do this. Recovery is hard. I never wanted this. I never knew I would fall into this pattern. The media got to me at a young age, and it got me at my worst this year..