Are things getting harder, or easier?

It's tough to decide if I'm actually getting through this recovery thing. I'm back to obsessing over calories and exercise that I'm scared of going over 1200-1300 calories again, which is a bad thing, I know. But things are just getting harder. Anyway onto other things, I've been wanting to go out with friends and have fun, but I'm scared to like I've always been. My mind is just use to this constant schedule when I would eat and when I would wake, and I know if I go out and drink I'd sleep late and mess up my eating schedule. It's just a constant thing, and it's getting really annoying. I just wish I could knock this messed up voice that's controlling my life, out of my mind!