I just can't pull through

I just feel like I can't continue going on anymore, I'm crushing slowly under the pressure. I don't know if I can keep on walking now. Just remembering how much pain I suffered through during bullying in elementary school that continued with me on through high school, it's just too much to keep this fake smile on my face. I may seem like this happy carefree girl, and I'm trying to be, but I just can't pull it anymore longer. I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm dumb and retarded.... My family is just not strong enough, through the struggles the fights, everything that has happened; divorce, foreclosure, job loss. I can't continue on this this struggling pain to keep my family happy, or myself happy. I just want to give up so bad, I just want this pain to go away..... I'm sorry.