A small chat makes a big difference

Before school started my best friend and I were talking about a few things, mainly about my eating disorder. She was telling me how upset my friends are when they see me eating so little. She also told her mom about my issues, which is okay because I’m really close to her family, and they didn’t mention anything to her moms boyfriend until they saw me yesterday. He apparently asked what was wrong with me, because apparently he could break me in half ‘cause I was such a twig'. Then I asked her, “Is it really that visible?” and she told me yes, it is. For a while when people would see me they would think, "Oh she exercises and is really muscular", but now it’s like, "Oh what’s wrong with her, she’s all bones." It scares me and makes me realize how bad this is, how thin and unhealthy I look. It makes me come back to reality and realize I need to step my game up and eat more. I can’t just continue eating fruit and vegetables, because that's only causing more weight loss, I have to add more grains and protein into my diet (maybe some unhealthy food here and there for cheat days). But I’m glad to know that my friends are really concerned about me and are supporting me on the run to recovery. I don’t want to get better just for myself, but for my friends and family..

Progression..

I believe last week I weighed myself and it came out to be 104, it was scary to see that I gained weight, but at the same time it's a good thing. I've been around 99-101 for quite a while, and seeing that I gained about 3-4 pounds is amazing. Usually people would be happy to see that they lost weight, but to me gaining weight is a good thing. Soon I'll become stronger and healthier again, I'll be happy and not worry anymore. I just need to get over one thing, anxiety about weight gain and fat. I know that being a woman I should have some fat on my body, and that it should be nothing to stress about, but it's always been a fear for me. I'm naturally skinny, but I always thought I was fat because of my bone structure. I remember when my thighs use to touch, now I have a thigh gap and it's an amazing feeling to have one, but at the same time with my height and bone structure it's not a good thing to be proud of. I want strong legs that can carry me along, and to play soccer. It's taking time, it's going slow, but it's progress!